'The shoe's never going to be on the other foot. You take care' is all she said as she walked away, leaving him to mull over what she said. They'd known each other for 8 years now. She'd been the imaginative half while he was the analytical. They were the thickest of friends and the proverbial partners in crime.
The two of them had a definitive dynamic that defined them to one another. He'd bring problems, she'd solve them. He was wise and optimistic, she was experienced and realistic. They were against the world, together. That was how he saw it. But she knew the reality, that the world wasn't out to get him. He was in the trenches, always out for the next battle, while she was fighting her battles as they came, taking stock of the peace between one and the next. In another world, they would never have met, but in this, providence saw fit to make their paths cross. And so began their journey.
'You know, I've always had this theory about the two sexes. Want to hear it?' 'You have a theory. So groundbreaking. What's next, a rant about the bad weather?' She had a way of acknowledging and putting him in his place at the same time. It was one of the reasons the two of them functioned as friends. 'I just wanted your opinion, geez!' 'Both of us know you'll state it anyway and I'll analyze it anyway, so why the foreplay? Shoot.
'There is a core tenet for each of the sexes. For men, it's about power. They want to be the strongest, sharpest needle, be it in front of their friends or god forbid, their partner. And then the fairer sex, for them, it's about ego. Who satisfies their ego matters to them. They appreciate those who can cater to it and understand their soul. What's sad is, though these tenets by themselves are innocent, their influence or appeasement is what causes trouble.' 'I sense a continuation, don't give yourself a pause. You're not delivering a monologue.' He rolled his eyes 'You don't appreciate my natural showmanship, do you? Your loss.' He continued 'A man could use his drive to be the absolute pinnacle; to improve himself and help those around him, but instead, he uses that to feed his insecurities and act out against those around him for not recognizing him. And women, their hope of finding someone who'll understand the minutiae of their psyche is contorted by those would hold them as nothing but objects, and that results in the abominations that are gold diggers and cheats. Of course, these tenets cross genders, but for the most part, men are driven by a power trip and women by their egos.'
'You really did deliver a monologue. Just had to, huh?' 'It's just how I speak.' 'Right. Before I give you my two cents on this, I must ask. I can tell this isn't something you concocted overnight. Why now?' 'Because I wanted to understand if I'm doing things right.' 'So, your usual reason?' 'Like there'd be any other.' They were having this discussion in the midst of cooking their dinner. He'd almost burnt the pancakes. Almost. It was snowing outside and neither of them had the energy to start cooking afresh. Thanking his fortune, he gingerly picked the batter up and started on the next one, vowing under his breath to be more careful.
'I more or less know what experiences drove you to form this, 'hypothesis', let's call it. So, I won't question your belief of it. I will, however address the 'why' behind it. Why would you want to generalize men and women? Are you out to create some sort of a relationship guide? If you are, I don't want to know. What you said about men is more true than what you said about women. Men are more insecure than women are deceiving. I'm not saying that's how all the men and women are, no. For every gold digger/deceiver out there, there are more than willing insecure man-children trying to get into the pants of anything that moves.' 'Do I sense some hostility?' 'I thought you didn't interrupt people'. He knew to shut up when she was on a serious roll.
'Of course your point wasn't who's what and how much. It's about why they're so. It's simple, men have always been touted as the alphas throughout history. They were the gatherers, kings and explorers. Women, on the other hand, had things done for them. There have been exemplars who have risen above their definition to tell the world they're more than housewives, of course. But the vast majority are led by the mindset to have things done. Now look at that independently, and tell me what you think.' 'As in?' 'Just because she wants things done, do you define that to mean she can't do things herself?' 'Of course not! Those are two different things!' 'And therein lies the problem. Just because someone is asking for help, you don't label them incompetent of doing that themselves.' Now do tell, is that what you thought?'
The last sentence made him think, but before he could answer, the kettle went off, distracting him. He rushed to switch the burner off, still pondering his rationale behind attributing ego as a tenet to women. He looked at her, and he had his answer. 'My answer lies in my actions. Have I ever treated you as anything but an equal? I help you but only when I think you could use it. And I don't believe I'm in the wrong for that.' 'In our case, sure. But what of your grand unified theory of the sexes? Hmm? And then, it hit him. In his endeavor to understand the sexes better, he'd generalized them according to a poor stereotype his interpretation would inadvertently lead to.
The pancake was done, and it was perfect. 'How are you so patient with me and everything I ask?' 'Because of your actions.' was all she said, as she reached for the syrup. He sat across her, wondering what if. She read his mind. 'Don't'. 'Why not?' 'Because just because it works, doesn't mean you use it.' 'I'm not saying we should be a couple, no. We know our lives are already going different directions and we can't be together. We know it won't work.' 'Then why the puppy dog eyes?' 'I was just reexamining what I felt for this girl-'. 'Stop right there. I know this script. "Why won't she reciprocate?" Isn't that the gist of it?' 'How well you know me'.
'It isn't that anymore. If it isn't, it just isn't. I get that. But imagine this: There's a person at a table. Sitting across are two people from the opposite sex. One is handsome, dressed to the nines and has an air of wealth and arrogance. The other has clear eyes, a simple smile and a face that makes you want to trust. The person at the head of the table, if asked to choose a partner, will always choose the handsome one, but that's what instincts drive us to.' 'Isn't that obvious?' 'Let me finish. That isn't the problem. The problem is, the other person is not even given a chance to show his worth.' People are always looking at the haves, not the have nots. Why? What if the shoe was on the other foot? What if you were one of the options?'
The pancakes were good and she was a little distracted because of that. 'Because no one ever imagines themselves in a situation where they are an option. You yourself said it. Power trips and egos. Everyone thinks they're the most desirable in every way. And so, when they're passed over for someone else, they throw an emotional tantrum in their heads, trying to fault the decision maker. Of course, there's no defending those who do it for the wrong reasons, but the majority suffer because they don't think of what if the shoe was on the other foot. Everyone thinks they're perfect,. That they're beyond reproach and everything they do is justified.
And because of that, the shoe is never on the other foot. It's late, ciao. Don't overthink it, you're a good man. Those were some good pancakes, you take care.' She left and he sat there, mulling over what they'd discussed. 'Guess in the end it all comes down to be open to self criticism and improvement after all, eh?' He started on the pancakes before they got cold.
