The Big Three

For as long as I could remember I always thought I'd have those 'moments of revelations' that would change my life. And for once, I was not wrong about how I imagined my life would play out. Revelations were ever present in my life and not in a negligible number, either. When I joined my MBA in 2017, I quickly realized something. I was one of the oldest people in our batch! Now, I'm not one of those people who's all 'Boo, I'm older than others' so I was fine with it. In fact, I liked being the older, mature guy. People could sort of tell that about me and it acted as a warning sign for those who perpetrated unwarranted drama. But there was one guy on campus who made me think about my age with what said. My roommate in the second year.

That guy said on one evening when we were just sitting around randomly chatting. Dude. the birthday after you finish your MBA will be the last time you can claim to be in your 20s. How does that make you feel? Doesn't that scare you? I gave him a snap reply. Nah, I've always wiser beyond my years and mature than my peers. I'll be fine. He dropped it there, but his query stuck with me. Does life really change once you hit 30? Truth is, I didn't know. And I couldn't and wouldn't know till a few months yet. So, I kept tabulating my thoughts about things to see if I'd have one more 'revelation' once I crossed the threshold into my 30s. And I did. Only, this was different. It didn't happen overnight. It happened over the fortnight encompassing the week before and after my birthday.

My birthdays have always been uneventful, save for the 2 surprise parties my friends threw me, one in my M.Sc. and the other in my MBA. And I hunkered down for one more uneventful birthday, as probability dictated. But I was hoping, secretly, that something would happen. It was going to be my 30th. And if Rachel Green was any indication, it was a big deal! Celebrations wise, it was mellow. No party, not even a piece of cake or a dinner outside. Usual work day. But, here's one of the revelations: I was okay with it. I was fine with not being outside and painting the town red. Of course, I'd have enjoyed doing that, but the truth is, it was a Tuesday. I couldn't really expect anything from anyone in the middle week, now, could I? So, there I was, working and taking calls, like any other day. Then it hit me. Instead of using my birthday as an excuse to take time off work, what if I worked a little extra diligent that day? I won't tell you what I did next, for I'd like this point to be some food for thought to you, reader.

Then, after I clocked out for the day, as I was singing along to my favorite ABBA tunes, I went back to my thoughts. So, did my outlook on things change? The answer was yes, but not between December 9th & 10th, but over the past week, they had, I realized. So, what did I think of love now? That's right, that was the first thing on my mind. I was just as clueless as always. Or so I believe, because I've never been in a relationship. I only what I've seen and heard and believed about love, never had it reciprocated so I don't have a 'validation', speaking in business parlance. I'm not someone who shies away from the delicate emotions, you see. Instead, I like tackling them so I can understand myself better. I always thought being in love meant having the ultimate partner. Someone whom you can always count on. Someone who has your back. Someone who knows your faults and shortcomings but is with you in spite of all that and what's more, helps you rise above all those you thought are your limits. Now, I don't know if my definition is true, but I sure as hell hope so, because I don't have any indication of it being otherwise. This was my second revelation. "If it isn't broken, don't try to fix it". If you're not sure, keep traveling on your path and life will give you what you need.

The last big revelation: My outlook on life. I've been a proponent of the legendary Ernest Hemingway: True nobility lies not in being superior to your fellow man, but your former self. I think I'm pretty solid there, I think. Above all, just because I spent my 30th all by myself, there was one more thing I got to do, beyond these three big revelations. Re-evaluate all that I have in my life. And you know what, I have a pretty awesome lot of things. My family, friends, teammates at work and the occasional stranger providence puts in my way to show me how I can better myself. Can't really demand more, can we? Of course, there's one more thing I want, but hey, who says a wish out loud and risks it not being fulfilled, right?

So, there you have it. A pretty bland, pensive birthday from your not-so-average guy. I'm Aniruddha Saldi, I'm 30 years old and I'm quite happy with my the how, what and where of my life. How about you?

Consider this

When was the last time you were kind? Truly kind. Not drop a dime in a beggar's bowl kind. It need not have been an act of charity. In today's world, being selflessly nice to others is an act of kindness in itself. The world today has devolved into transactions so much that not harming others in itself has come to be known as kindness. That is not the kindness I'm talking about. The kindness I'm talking about is much more simple and straightforward, but all the more important. It's consideration, what I'm talking about. The thought of wanting to understand another person.

Now, I know what y'all are thinking. Isn't that empathy? No. Consideration is the step before empathy, if you ask me. Empathy is actually putting yourself in someone else's shoes. Consideration is wanting to do that. And the reason I'm writing this now is because I recently hit a milestone in my life and it made it consider a lot of things. One of the things I re-evaluated was what I would change about myself and what I wouldn't. And I will be honest. In spite of all my insecurities and apprehensions, I couldn't find a lot about myself that I thought I absolutely needed to change. And no, I'm not bragging. I'm taking pride in that fact that I was taught from a young age to discern what was right and what not. I was taught to be nice to those around and to be wary of the consequences of my actions towards those around me. And above all, I was taught to spare a thought to those less fortunate than us.

A little while back, I was walking home from a movie, at around 9:30 in the night. Location: the veggie market near my place in Kakinada. I was a few feet away when I noticed a little girl, hardly 6 years old, trying to cross the road. It wasn't that that got me. It was the fact that her mother was sitting under a tree, not trying to stop her daughter, but looking at her with unblinking eyes. And, the other side the little girl was trying to reach was a liquor compound full of drunk, unruly men. I was disgusted with the woman for the position she put her daughter in! And I was going to give her an earful. But, before I could do anything, her daughter crossed the road and some guy lifted her off the ground and put his shirt around her. My alarms instantly went off, thinking this was a kidnapper. But then I noticed the mother smile and it struck me. It must be the father!

I went and got the little girl some biscuits, so I had a pretext to talk to her parents. What I found out, blew my mind. The father worked as the money collector at the liquor compound. He was not a jobless drunk.The mother was paralyzed below the hip but worked at construction sites as the supervisor's aide to manage the daily wage laborers. And everyday, on the mother's way back from work, she stopped by the liquor compound to tell her husband it was time to return home. And I, who've prided myself in my ability to not judge, was ashamed at the mistaken assumptions I'd made. I referred the mother to the hospital my dad works at, in case they needed medical assistance, ever. I truly couldn't think of anything else to offer because they were so happy and content in that moment that anything I could conjure up would only take away from that beautiful moment. They smiled, asked their daughter to thank me and left. Here's the kicker: The wife had her own handicapped person's tricycle and the husband had his own bicycle. 

 

This unnamed family was an unforgettable lesson for me. Not for strength or purpose or some grandiose goal. But for teaching to look before I leap. For teaching to consider someone else's position before I act. For teaching me to not assume anything about anyone based on my limited knowledge and restricted perception. And that is one lesson I thought I'd already learnt from growing up. But no. Consideration, Empathy and Kindness truly have no upper limit in this world. You can never have enough of those wonderful qualities. As a friend's tattoo reads "Kill'em with kindness"!

The Survivor

        Reeling and wheezing, he was flung back to the floor yet another time. He’d now lost count of how many times it was now. He was beaten, battered and bruised by an assailant whose animosity had neither end nor meaning. He shakily tried to get back up. He focused on the freedom and peace and satisfaction that lay beyond his foe. The promise of the everlasting, bountiful, and ultimately rewarding life and land. That was his hook. It always seemed right there, at a fist’s grasp. He could see it. Himself, living under the light of the warm sun, by the comforting sea, in a cool breeze. I shall have it! I should be able to make it! It’s right there, he told himself.

        Using every ounce of strength he could muster, he stood up once more. I’m coming at you, you son of a bitch. I’ll go through you this time! Slowly he built his pace, putting each foot in front of the other with great effort.

        His assailant leered at him. He could neither see his assailant nor make contact with him. If it was even really a ‘him’. It felt like an ‘it’. It was more like he could just ‘perceive’ that abstract entity, acknowledge it as a presence he had to overcome to reach his goal. But never see properly. Every time he reached the entrance to the world of his dreams, it seems like he was kicked back to the beginning and the door pulled further away, all at the same time. But, there was something about this ‘thing’ that drove him to want to defeat it. It kept edging him on, as if to make sure he kept trying. But it pulled no punches; that was for sure. Gritting his teeth, he took another step.

        His entire person was sore and tired, screaming at him with every step he took. He wanted to just lie down. It felt like he couldn’t go on anymore. Like he’d done enough and that it was fine if he’d give up. He’d broken into a run now and was sure he’d make it to the exit now. Yes! I did- before he could even finish the thought, he felt the hit connect. It was worse than the previous ones. It always was. He was sent flying to the back of the room and made contact with the hard wall, further worsening his impact’s damage. Here, again? Damn it! Damn it all! How many times do you have to humble me before you’re satisfied? Why are you doing this? He already knew the answer. His foe never answered. That is what annoyed him the most. Say something! Give me a reason why you’re doing this to me! No answer, as always. You bastard, I’ll tear through you and get out, just you wait till I get up.

        This entire ordeal was tiring, in spite of what he kept telling himself. Why? Why me? What did I do to deserve this? How much longer? I can’t take it anymore! Yeah, I got this far, right? I mean, that’s got to count for something! Those thoughts were always at his psyche’s forefront, giving him a strange sense of comfort. He questioned those thoughts one more time. Yeah, I guess it’s not so bad, after all. This place. I can at least get a view of the world of my choosing from here, right? That’s more than what I can say for most people! He sat down, heaving a sigh of relief.

        The world looked beautiful beyond the exit, shimmering bright and gold, full of all the joys and laughter he’d ever need. It looked so fulfilling, so inviting. NO! He screamed at himself. If I try to get out, I’ll be hurt by it again! No more! His breathing got heavier that very moment. His eyes got wistful. Why? Why must I settle here? Why am I not able to take those last few steps out the door? Just because something’s blocking me? No! Not anymore. I’ll get out. I have to get out. I want to seize that world out there and make it mine! Yes. I will. I will! He laughed out loud maniacally, the cackle of his once tired and sore throat now ringing against the walls. Stop me now, you bastard! Come at me!

        He ran out from the corner he’d unwittingly been cowering in, freed like an arrow towards bull’s-eye. His assailant, as usual got in the way but this time it wasn’t able to kick him back. He jabbed his shoulder into it, throwing him aside. The impact stole his momentum and he fell forward. But even then, he didn’t stop running. Stumbling and almost tumbling, he kept putting foot in front of foot. He was hurting more than ever before but he could tell he was almost there. Don’t give up now! He told himself. Don’t be your own foe now, you’ve fought so hard till now, a few more steps and you’re free of Ed! Yes, that was his name, Ed. Ed Varsity. Peculiar name, he remembered thinking to himself the first time he learnt it.

        As he fell out of the confines of that bleak and dreary room, representative of naught but struggle and hardship into a new world, ‘Thank you, Ed’ he said to his assailant as if out of some primal instinct that he couldn’t fully explain. This new world was one alien to him, yet so familiar. It was the place he’d always wanted to reach! He thanked his past himself for not giving up. For holding onto hope. For powering through the pain, the helplessness, the anger, the fear and the tears. He told himself it was a good experience, one that made him stronger.

        What are the chances it’ll happen once again? Different problem for a different day, I guess. Right now, I’m just glad I held out and made it through. Good thing faith, hope and persistence come to my aid whenever I call out to them, eh?

When you have nothing to lose

         Rocky Balboa. Everyone knows him, yes? The Rocky movies show us one simple truth: When you have nothing to lose, you give it your all. And when the odds are stacked against you, you take a shot, putting everything on the line.

        Till a few weeks ago, I thought these were empty words which I couldn't relate to. But, it all changed. I've always been one to make my own way, education or career. I didn't make my decisions because everyone else was doing it or because it seemed the simplest thing. I did so because I really wanted to do that. All my decisions till now have been the same. But, I did not achieve the success I believed I was due, and I gave up on myself. I was contemplating a workaday job and a life in which I'd have no interest. Just because nothing was going my way. No other reason. I can't take so much emotional abuse nonstop from the whole world. If I put in effort, I need results or what is it all worth?

        Solid reasoning, flawless logic, thought I. But, there was someone who could one-up my self sufficient rationalization. My father, a man whom I'll never be able to be grateful enough to. I'd just returned from working in Delhi for a year, with nothing to get into for my next career step. All my life, I'd advocated competition and a fair system of 'if you want it, earn it.', but what I had to realize was that I myself never followed it. I'd become the sort of person whom I despise the most: a hypocrite. But, my father sat me down and explained that even though things don't go your way, you don't give up. Because if you do, that's the end of your journey right there. The time we have on this world is limited as it is, why would you want to cut it short? 

        Turns out, all those years of dependence and skirting by took away the part of myself which was my source of confidence and security. I was paranoid about how I'd feel if I failed one more time and was using it as an excuse to stay away from competition. My father realized what I'd need: a reset. On life, on my career, on how I think and do things, on everything. And that was exactly what he suggested: an exam. Not just any exam, one of the toughest exams out there. If I would give it my all, I'd get a fresh start on my career, I'd start believing myself again and above all, I'd be moving forward in life. I put myself on 'pause' a few years ago and this would be the reset.

         I did just that. I picked myself up and fought just another round. I committed myself fully to the task at hand, after a long long time and gave it my all. I do not wish to divulge the results but I will say this; Hard work and Persistence give results. No matter how long you have to work, and no matter how hard, as long as you do not give up, things will fall into place. Why? Because they have to. That's the order of things. It just is, much like how you don't get jack if you don't work.

        Hell, if I can score well enough in a math based exam, anyone can achieve anything.All those clichés about how you can tunnel through even mountains if you keep digging, they're unequivocally true. I realized the most important lesson of my life because of two reasons: One- I accepted that I wanted to. Two- I tried my best.

        I will leave you guys with just this: As long as you don't stop working hard, good things will come your way. Make of that what you will.

It is my blog, afterall!

        The past thursday, I had my birthday. A lot of family and friends wished me good health and happiness that day, making me feel really loved. A few of them gave me good life advice even and I'm thankful for that. Every year on my birthday, I take time off to remember all the people I've met that have said or done something that I vividly remember, both good and bad. And this year, I'm happy to say that list of people has gotten really long!

        Throughout my life, I've had people, not even friends, just people, tell me a lot of things about myself. They called me crazy, eccentric, egotistical, overly emotional, loyal to a fault, stupidly sensitive, pointlessly honest and more than all, hopelessly idealistic. I will keep it short and tell everyone just one thing. I might be all of those things but above all, I'm me. I've always been wary of being socially acceptable but a few years ago I made a friend who taught me that above all, I should be myself. That the only person I am answerable to is myself. So, I would like to tell everyone who's ever been judgmental of me to keep doing what they do, because I honestly don't care what you do with your time. I have myself to improve and impress, and don't wish to waste my time on someone who thinks they're above and beyond reproach.

        There are things people are good at and bad at. And it is entirely fine to take pride in what you do. And what is worth doing is worthy of being done well! So, if you think I'm egoistic to claim there's things I can do better than my contemporaries, think away. That is all it will be, a stray thought in a stranger's mind. Each one of us is like a plant in a storm called life. How we react to it is what shapes us. We should worry about being the best we can be, not about what the society sees us as.

        I am a bit judgmental towards people who don't do things right because I believe that things should be done in a certain way. And if someone does a half-assed job and demands recognition for it, I will be disappointed. Not for the person but for the set of beautiful events that would've come to be if the person had the guts to push himself and accept his excellence.But I will never criticize and berate such circumstances. And I don't think anyone should,even, unless they stand to lose something from it. Accepting people for who they are is a wonderful notion!

         We all love watching it rain., don't we? But some think, "Damn, I can't go out now" and some "Wow, that is a lot of water to play in". Everyone has a different way of doing and seeing things. Accept it and appreciate it. We're not here to be critical of each other but of ourselves. What we do with our time here is our business, after all. But don't you think its a waste of time, not pursuing a better self? 

         Finally, I will say this. You are your own yardstick. Don't let people define you. Be the best you can be and if anyone can't accept that, it isn't something you can change. You're already at your best, aren't you? Bend, and not break? Or break and start afresh? Decide your path yourself!

A world where madness makes most sense!

        I do not know how many of you have watched the original Mad Max Trilogy. Don't worry, this isn't about me being all fanboy-y about them. But I would definitely say to any movie lover, watch them. And once you've watched them, watch the new Mad Max: Fury Road. Without batting an eyelid.

        I'm not one for subtlety, but I'm also not one to blow things out of proportion or to take them over the top. I stick to this because things normally don't make sense once they start to not consider where they should stop. But sometimes, there are exceptions. Some wonderful wonderful exceptions, which make you wonder "where was the line, anyway?" Mad Max Fury Road was one of such experiences for me.

        The movie, is simple. A bunch of people trying to hold on to their last dregs of humanity and start afresh in a world where everything is out of control and is just too cruel. The titular character is Max, a former patrolman who roams about the endless desert the movie is set it in, trying to live with his demons. And then there is the primary protagonist, Imperator Furiosa, who's trying to make good by helping a few innocent girls escape from captivity. But my favorite character in the movie would Nux, who starts off as someone chasing the good guys to bring them back into his boss' domain.

          Max, plagued by hallucinations of his murdered daughter. Furiosa, leading some strangers who she believed deserved to live better. Nux, who has been led to believe in lies all his life and has now seen through the illusion. All these people chased through ginormous sandstorms by people standing atop poles on cars being driven at breakneck speeds. If we do not think about who wins and who loses for a moment, we can appreciate the raw untamed vision of the director, George Miller. 

         I for one, was not even a little bit psyched when I saw the trailer for Fury Road. I went to the movie simply because I had nothing much to do that weekend and it was the only proper movie around I could watch. After the initial moments of the movie, I was pretty much let down, thinking "Hey!! This is not Mel Gibson's Max. He's more Mad than he is Max! Wait, that makes sense given the situations he's been through". As I sat through the rest of the movie, I enjoyed each and every frame of it immensely to the tiniest detail. Each and every scene was as grandiose as they would get, with all of them making sense to me. 

         Not even once during the movie did I think that something was blown out of proportion just for the sake of it. In this movie, everything makes absolute and complete sense! The people believing in an old man's word of "entering Valhalla", of death being the absolute glory, of them being their boss' property, that the women who were on the run "belonged" to their boss, everything! 

         The entire movie is one gigantic car chase, through raging sandstorms, flying bullets, chasing cars, exploding rock gorges, everything. At the end of the chase, the good guys reach their destination but only to find that it too had deteriorated with the rest of the world. And as anyone would, after that exhausting a chase, they break. Imperator Furiosa who in spite of being an amputee never once shows a shred of weakness through everything falls to her knees, realizing they have nowhere left to run to. But when Max shows her that there is still a tiny chance of survival, she regains her spirit. And not one bit of all this seems corny!

           In my view, the movie is one of the complete movies I've ever seen in my life. I was glad it was as insanely fun as it was. Oh, and did I mention there is a blind guy too in the movie? He is suspended off of ropes every frame of the chase, while playing a guitar that breathes fire. There is a scene in the movie where Nux looks a sandstorm big enough to engulf an entire city and probably more and says with content and genuine wonder "What a lovely day". Yes, this is how blown out of proportion this movie is. And yet, it all makes perfect sense. A perfect example of unrestricted imagination meets wonderful execution.

          This is me, sharing with you guys the spectacle that Mad Max Fury Road was. If you get the chance to watch it, do not miss even a frame of the movie.

"A world where madness makes most sense is, even if only a little bit, interesting" -Me.

What are friends for?

        If an eccentric were to explain the world, he would say its like one solution where there are particles attracted to and repelled from each other. Effective charge, valency, what have you. I, think that is indeed the best way to describe it. Circumstances define us, choices make us, experiences build us, and friends help us. 

          Today's world has turned almost everyone into a philosopher. People always have something to say. And an extension of this would be the attitude some people have towards others, be it warm and welcoming or cold and distancing. It is a given that today's world moves forward through networking. Get friends at the right places and push yourself forward through them. This, in my opinion, is both correct and wrong, as circumstances would have it. But, one has to wonder from time to time; "What if I didn't have these many friends? What if I was one of those 'I can't talk to him, he's a stranger' person?" To all those people, I will say this; your friends will find you always, even if you don't know where to look for them.

           Ever since I was a kid, I've never been able to make friends by myself. I always had something to say about the people around me, to keep myself distanced from them. If I were asked to recall the first time I went up and talked to someone all by myself, I wouldn't be able to remember such an instance. I really wouldn't. I've just made friends through the circumstances and through my friends' welcoming personalities but not through my personal efforts.

          On the very first day of my undergrad, I saw someone sitting over my desk. I instantly got ticked off and stormed up to him to give what for. Ironically, this encounter was something I would later recall as me making friends with someone. A Mr. Sebastian, who was my good classmate during 4 years of undergraduate study and a truly thick friend through the years. If I had just ignored him instead of going up to him and telling him off, I never would have gotten such a wonderful friend. 

           And thanks to him, I met a whole other bunch of people who's names if included here will turn into a long list. These guys taught me what it actually means to be the part of something. Amongst this bunch of merry maniacs, there's every kind of awesome person you'd expect to meet. I, for one, didn't think they would keep in touch after our undergrad, but truth be told, I got to know them even better after we all left college. I regret not being a better friend during our college years. Only when I was leaving college did I realize how much I would miss them all. And it was this feeling that made me realize that I finally had true friends. 

          Friends are the family you choose, as a friend told me. I for one, never gave importance to any of my friends till I reached my undergrad because I believed I could live all by myself. I thought you need reasons to be around people. I thought you had to explain to yourself why you were spending time with someone. But my friends made me realize something important. Being self sufficient is a respectable notion indeed, but there is nothing as fun as sharing your time with good people. To all the introverts and egoists like me out there who think they don't need anyone, you're wrong. You don't have friends because you need them. You have friends because they're people who can appreciate you. 

         Sebastian, Raghavendra, Rupesh, Rushika, Shravan, Siddharth, Shruti and Shruti, Shreya, Supro and Doha, I cannot express how much you guys mean to me. I wish you guys nothing but the best. I'm grateful for how you guys were so welcoming towards this kid and have been such a treasure to me.