Reeling and wheezing,
he was flung back to the floor yet another time. He’d now lost count of how
many times it was now. He was beaten, battered and bruised by an assailant
whose animosity had neither end nor meaning. He shakily tried to get back up.
He focused on the freedom and peace and satisfaction that lay beyond his foe.
The promise of the everlasting, bountiful, and ultimately rewarding life and
land. That was his hook. It always seemed right there, at a fist’s grasp. He could
see it. Himself, living under the light of the warm sun, by the comforting sea,
in a cool breeze. I shall have it! I should be able to make it! It’s right
there, he told himself.
Using every ounce of
strength he could muster, he stood up once more. I’m coming at you, you son of
a bitch. I’ll go through you this time! Slowly he built his pace, putting each
foot in front of the other with great effort.
His assailant leered at
him. He could neither see his assailant nor make contact with him. If it was even
really a ‘him’. It felt like an ‘it’. It was more like he could just ‘perceive’
that abstract entity, acknowledge it as a presence he had to overcome to reach
his goal. But never see properly. Every time he reached the entrance to the
world of his dreams, it seems like he was kicked back to the beginning and the
door pulled further away, all at the same time. But, there was something about
this ‘thing’ that drove him to want to defeat it. It kept edging him on, as if
to make sure he kept trying. But it pulled no punches; that was for sure.
Gritting his teeth, he took another step.
His entire person was
sore and tired, screaming at him with every step he took. He wanted to just lie
down. It felt like he couldn’t go on anymore. Like he’d done enough and that it
was fine if he’d give up. He’d broken into a run now and was sure he’d make it
to the exit now. Yes! I did- before he could even finish the thought, he felt
the hit connect. It was worse than the previous ones. It always was. He was
sent flying to the back of the room and made contact with the hard wall,
further worsening his impact’s damage. Here, again? Damn it! Damn it all! How
many times do you have to humble me before you’re satisfied? Why are you doing
this? He already knew the answer. His foe never answered. That is what annoyed
him the most. Say something! Give me a reason why you’re doing this to me! No
answer, as always. You bastard, I’ll tear through you and get out, just you
wait till I get up.
This entire ordeal was
tiring, in spite of what he kept telling himself. Why? Why me? What did I do to
deserve this? How much longer? I can’t take it anymore! Yeah, I got this far,
right? I mean, that’s got to count for something! Those thoughts were always at
his psyche’s forefront, giving him a strange sense of comfort. He questioned
those thoughts one more time. Yeah, I guess it’s not so bad, after all. This
place. I can at least get a view of the world of my choosing from here, right?
That’s more than what I can say for most people! He sat down, heaving a sigh of
relief.
The world looked
beautiful beyond the exit, shimmering bright and gold, full of all the joys and
laughter he’d ever need. It looked so fulfilling, so inviting. NO! He screamed
at himself. If I try to get out, I’ll be hurt by it again! No more! His
breathing got heavier that very moment. His eyes got wistful. Why? Why must I
settle here? Why am I not able to take those last few steps out the door? Just
because something’s blocking me? No! Not anymore. I’ll get out. I have to get
out. I want to seize that world out there and make it mine! Yes. I will. I
will! He laughed out loud maniacally, the cackle of his once tired and sore
throat now ringing against the walls. Stop me now, you bastard! Come at me!
He ran out from the
corner he’d unwittingly been cowering in, freed like an arrow towards bull’s-eye.
His assailant, as usual got in the way but this time it wasn’t able to kick him
back. He jabbed his shoulder into it, throwing him aside. The impact stole his
momentum and he fell forward. But even then, he didn’t stop running. Stumbling
and almost tumbling, he kept putting foot in front of foot. He was hurting more
than ever before but he could tell he was almost there. Don’t give up now! He
told himself. Don’t be your own foe now, you’ve fought so hard till now, a few
more steps and you’re free of Ed! Yes, that was his name, Ed. Ed Varsity.
Peculiar name, he remembered thinking to himself the first time he learnt it.
As he fell out of the
confines of that bleak and dreary room, representative of naught but struggle and hardship
into a new world, ‘Thank you, Ed’ he said to his assailant as if out of some
primal instinct that he couldn’t fully explain. This new world was one alien to
him, yet so familiar. It was the place he’d always wanted to reach! He thanked his
past himself for not giving up. For holding onto hope. For powering through the
pain, the helplessness, the anger, the fear and the tears. He told himself it
was a good experience, one that made him stronger.
What are the chances
it’ll happen once again? Different problem for a different day, I guess. Right
now, I’m just glad I held out and made it through. Good thing faith, hope and
persistence come to my aid whenever I call out to them, eh?
